I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
