All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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