Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
