Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
