And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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