I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
