"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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