I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
