just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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