that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
