I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
