ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
