I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
