plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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