That's when you crack a 10am beer
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
