if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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