After last night, I could never be a politician.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
