I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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