Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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