I accidentally had phone sex last night
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
