i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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