yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
