I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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