I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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