Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
