1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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