I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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