Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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