the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
