We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
