don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
