omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
