His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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