Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
