I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
