Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
