just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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