my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
