Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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