Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
