just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
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