stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
