sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
