dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
jump out the window naked night went bad
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