i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
