I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
