Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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