I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My vagina just recognized that song.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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