You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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