Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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