What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
