their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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